On January 15th, 2026 a former friend and one-time collaborator made a TikTok about me and the party we put on, called kumba. This is not a call out or a call in. I’m not seeking a mediation nor forgiveness. Take it or leave it.
TL;DR - I was called a user, opportunist, vulture, and lord knows what else. I’m not here to rehash or debunk the details of that video. Those who were involved know the veracity of the details of that video. The whole thing was cruel in a deeply intimate way. A Tiktok is not how you want to receive first-time feedback. Not only that, exes, both persistent and aspiring, took to the comments to replicate a specific kind of violence that is reserved for Black fem folks and women. If that is community - y’all got it and you do not have to worry about me.
One thing is certain though - I’m going to say it, whatever it is. Is the delivery always great? The Lord is working on me. The only decision I regret was apologizing. I have a lot to be sorry for in this life but [Cardi-B-pointing.gif]. Hollywood couldn’t write it. The cost has been undeniable impact to my reputation but I’m willing to pay the cost. I’ll find my solace in knowing who I am and what I did because for better or for worse it’s in me.
We give thanks, more life, blessings, and so on.
Meeting my Saturn Square
That day was nestled in-between other events which were calling awareness to how I viewed myself and my self-worth. I suppose that awareness had always existed but this time there was a different clarity. Growth is rarely linear, I still find myself in valleys of self-doubt and constantly question if I and the things I spend my time on have any value. These days, the valleys are less frequent, which is why I can confidently make decisions about who I do or don’t work with.
I have built many a thing on behalf of other people, creating tangible value. Long hours, massive projects, thousands of dollars raised, always for next to no credit. That sounds like I was always the victim and I was, but chat? Much of that victimization was self-inflicted.
Would you believe me if I told you that July 2025 marked the beginning of my Saturn square, a month before I invited anyone to work on that gd party? I did not have a good Saturn return and so the lessons were good and plenty. Not me thinking my return was about quality and output of my work? In hindsight, I realize that doesn’t make much sense but when you’re self-abandoning you tend to believe all the lies you tell yourself.
Because the truth is the work is good. I’m an incredibly creative person and capable in so many ways. You’re reading this post on a website I built with my two lesbian hands, for crying out loud.
With time and distance I’ve realized that this event, like many other events in the last 5 years, was part of an overdue and necessary lesson - I can be hard-headed. I have repeatedly chosen creative, romantic, and business partnerships where I am in service to the ego of the other, rather than the actual work, which is a problem because I want to do something impactful through said work. I was functioning so that I could be liked and accepted - which is how I’d repeatedly end up in situations with people who undervalue me, don’t show up, take credit for my work.
And why wouldn’t they? I clearly was not valuing my own work, someone might as well value it for me.
What I create is a reflection of my will and my character. When I allow myself to show up as myself without seeking approval, it allows me to do my best work and exist in the relationships that are meant for me and me for them.
As my self-worth deepens so has my inability to withstand imbalanced relationships of all kinds. When your self-worth is based on being liked you tend to be less direct about things that will make you unlikable. I was told it wasn’t what I said, but how I said it. That I was too direct. In order to maintain sovereignty I will gladly make decisions that cause disruption to what threatens it, regardless of how it is received. Like… it gets to a point.
Now this was OTT - speaking the truth won’t always blow up in your face. I seem to have a polarizing way of being. Yes and it’ll suck but trust me; eating the discomfort of what is not being said to maintain any connection is manipulation of others and worse than that it is a poison to the health of ones self-being.
Don’t poison the well.
Sam
P.S - Don’t tell me, I don’t care.
P.P.S - Don’t ask me, I won’t share.
Resources:
- What is the 7th house responsible for in astrologyby Atman Lab
- Saturn’s Square: Your Mid-30s Reality Checkby Samantha Jo.